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Author of Suspense Thrillers talks writing & stuff

Archive for the month “December, 2012”

JOB INTERVIEW DISASTERS

CRAZY JOB INTERVIEWS

If you’re looking to get hired or switch jobs in the New Year study these interview tips for things NOT to do or say. 

(Thank you www.dezert-rose.com for this guest blog.)

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees:

  • A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
  • Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and      the music at the same time.
  • Candidate  fell and broke arm during interview.
  • Candidate  announced she hadn’t had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french  fries in the interviewers office.
  • Candidate  explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.
  • Candidate  said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a  closet in Mexico.
  • Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
  • Applicant  said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the  corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
  • Applicant  interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer  specific interview questions.
  • Candidate brought large dog to interview.
  • Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
  • Candidate dozed off during interview.

Check out  Job Hunting on Social Media for Dummies at www.patlawrence.net/today-s-blog

BEST CHRISTMAS BOOKS EVER

The Best Christmas Books for Adults

(Thank you Victoria Leigh Miller for this guest blog)

Looking for a good book to read this Christmas? Christmastime is a great time to relax and enjoy a book that is set during the Christmas season-and not necessarily a sappy Christmas tale either. Here are some of the best adult books about Christmas.

The Greatest Gift– Philip Van Doren Stern. This 1943 short story was the basis for the classic 1946 movie It’s a Wonderful Life. While many of the names and details were changed for the movie, the basic premise is the same. This is a must-read for fans of the movie.

On Strike For Christmas– Sheila Roberts. This entertaining book is about a group of fed-up wives who decide to go on strike at Christmas time, forcing their helpless husbands to take over the holiday decorating and party planning duties

The Ecco Book of Christmas Stories– Alberto Manguel. This collection of Christmas-themed short stories features selections from Alice Munroe, Muriel Spark, William Trevor, Jeanette Winterson and more. “O’Brien’s First Christmas” (Winterson) is a must-read.

Skipping Christmas– John Grisham. In a departure from his usual writing style, John Grisham’s story about Luther and Nora Krank’s decision to “skip” celebrating Christmas for one year is a hoot. If you saw the movie “Christmas With the Kranks”, keep in mind that this book is much better.

A Christmas Story– Jean Shepherd. This book of essays inspired the 1983 holiday movie, A Christmas Story. Jean Shepherd is a master storyteller and the book has even more charm than the movie.

An Idiot Girl’s Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List-Laurie Notaro. If the Christmas season has you feeling stressed, lighten up with this collection of stories from humorist Laurie Notaro.

Holidays on Ice: StoriesDavid Sedaris. Sedaris’ masterful collection of hilarious Christmas essays includes his popular account of working as a Christmas elf at Macy’s. You will laugh out loud.

The Christmas Sweater- Glenn Beck. There’s a bunch of somewhat sappy Christmas books out there, all with the title “The Christmas (fill in the blank)”. This is not one of them. Radio and TV host Glenn Beck provides readers with a solid story that has a little bit of sugar but not too much sap. This book is based on Beck’s own true story.

The Christmas Train– David Balducci. Here’s another book with the dreaded “The Christmas” title, but it has all the ingredients of a good holiday novel. With a combination of mystery and romance, readers will enjoy this story of a man who takes a cross-country train ride at Christmas.

A Christmas Carol- Charles Dickens. No list would be complete without including this classic story. This book was first published in 1843. The story has stood the test of time, being revamped and adapted for numerous television and movie versions. If it’s been a while since you’ve experienced the original story, a reread is highly recommended must this Christmas.

Order your Christmas Book right here: www.patlawrence.net/today-s-blog

CARPE DIEM!

It is so easy to become so occupied with the future and completely forget that we have the present.

First of all, thanks to radio personality Vicki McKenna for her Facebook posting today (the title for this blog). According to the ancient Mayan calendar, today was to be “The End Of The World As We Know It.” Unless some major catastrophe strikes within the next few hours, it looks like we may have more time on our hands to enjoy. And here is my point, enjoy the moment! It is much too easy to dwell on the past and/or fret about the future. All we really have is right now.

My father said it beautifully to me: “All we can really do is make memories, so make sure you make good ones.” I have always tried to do just that.

But, don’t just take my word for it, others have said it more eloquently than I.

“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living.” ~ Dale Carnegie

Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. Charles Dickens

Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

A preoccupation with the future not only prevents us from seeing the present as it is but often prompts us to rearrange the past. Eric Hoffer, The Passionate State of Mind

I don’t think of the past. The only thing that matters is the everlasting present.  W. Somerset Maugham, The Moon and Sixpence

Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Eckhart Tolle

Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy. Sarah Ban Breathnach

The time is now, the place is here. Stay in the present. You can do nothing to change the past, and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for. Dan Millman

I decided not to let my past rule my future so I decided to change my present in order to open up my future. Dr. Ana M Guzman

There are fine things which you mean to do some day, under what you think will be more favorable circumstances. But the only time that is surely yours is the present, hence this is the time to speak the word of appreciation and sympathy, to do the generous deed, to forgive the fault of a thoughtless friend, to sacrifice self a little more for others. Today is the day in which to express your noblest qualities of mind and heart, to do at least one worthy thing which you have long postponed, and to use your God-given abilities for the enrichment of someone less fortunate. Today you can make your life – significant and worthwhile. The present is yours to do with as you will. Grenville Kleiser

Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present.  Jean de la Bruyere

Music lives in three tenses at once. Developing what comes before it in the past, it engages us in the present, and inspires our hopes for its future.  Warren Benson, Professor of Composition at The Eastman School of Music

Present fears are less than horrible imaginings.  William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act 1, sc. 3

Present mirth hath present laughter; what’s to come is still unsure.  William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, Act II, sc.3

The only use of a knowledge of the past is to equip us for the present. The present contains all that there is. It is holy ground; for it is the past, and it is the future. Alfred North Whitehead

The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation, which depend upon the future. We let go the present, which we have in our power, and look forward to that which depends upon chance, and so relinquish a certainty for an uncertainty.  Seneca, Roman dramatist, philosopher, & politician (5 BC – 65 AD)

CARPE DIEM!

Visit www.patlawrence.net/today-s-blog  for some gift ideas.

A GOLFER’S CHRISTMAS

Thank you Thee Rivers Golf Association for the guest blog. (trgagolf.com)

A Golfer’s Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the green

Not a golfer was stirring, not even one seen.

The golf gloves were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that a tee time soon would be theirs.

Little duffers were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of birdies danced in their heads.

My friend in her visor, and I in my cap,

Had just stored our clubs for a long winter’s nap.

With the course frozen over and no one about,

I was walking alone when I heard someone shout.

Away down the tenth fairway I ran in a flash,

but I slipped on some ice and oh, what a crash.

The ice on the hill showed off such a glow

Right down to the half frozen hazard below.

It was a disaster, or so it appeared,

Until I was saved by a guy and reindeer.

With one hand on his cart and one raising a glass,

I knew in a moment this golfer had class.

His game was amazing, hotter than hot

And he whistled, and shouted, and called every shot!

“Now draw it! Now, fade it! Now onto the green!

Like Tiger! Like Arnie! Like Hogan and Snead!

Right down the middle! The ball, it flew far!

Now chip in! Now pitch in! Better than par!”

I was still falling fast, nearly into the burn

When the man and his cart had just made the turn.

Down on my butt with my back nearly broke,

This man scooped me up without missing a stroke.

With a sigh of relief I gave him a nod

And saw that his reindeer was naught but a dog.

They were out chasing geese and getting some practice,

I thought for a moment it might be Jack Nicklaus.

He was dressed all in Nike, from his head to his toes,

His clothes were all high tech, he was dressed like the pros.

A bag full of golf clubs he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a winner, not just some hack.

His eyes – they were focused! his demeanor – most serious!

He had on his game face, you just knew he meant business!

Still I couldn’t believe when I peeked at his card,

On the front nine the man had shot nine under par!

The stump of a cigar held tight in his teeth,

Whenever he putted he never would peek.

He had a smooth stroke straight to the cup,

Then he’d look up and smile when he heard it go “plop.”

He was steady and straight, boy, could he stroke it,

I thought, with some practice, I too could smoke it!

I’m quite sure that no one could get in his head,

Quite simply, I’d bet many tourneys he’d lead.

He spoke not a word, but went right on playing,

That this was a great round goes without saying.

Six birdies, three eagles and soon he was done.

When he’d finished eighteen, he’d shot fifty one!

He turned in his cart, put the dog in his car,

And faster than lightning bellied up to the bar.

Then I heard him exclaim, “sure this was nifty,

but think, if I’d dropped one, it could have been fifty!”

GOOD GOLFING TO ALL AND TO ALL A MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Check out www.patlawrence.net/today-s-blog for some gift ideas for the golfer on your list!

CANINE CHRISTMAS

(Thanks to  www.dezert-rose.com  for this wonderful guest blog)

A DOG’S RULES FOR CHRISTMAS

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: – Don’t pee on the tree – Don’t drink water in the container that holds the tree – Mind your tail when you are near the tree – If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don’t rip them open – Don’t chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part: – Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans – Don’t eat off the buffet table – Beg for goodies subtly – Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa – Don’t drink out of glasses that are left within your reach

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important: – Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people’s houses. (4a is particularly important) – Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house – Tolerate children – Turn on your charm big time

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON’T BITE HIM!!

THE NIGHT BEFORE GOLFING

Welcome today’s guest blogger, Jeremy Adsit of Calif.  Jeremy is an actor, photographer, and, apparently, a poet!

Thanks, Jeremy, for a great post.

The Night Before Golfing

By Jeremy Adsit

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

 

‘Twas the night before golfing I was lying in bed,

With thoughts of my round playing out in my head!

My clubs were all snuggled in my golf bag with care,

And visions of great shots flying high thru the air.

I’d stocked up on tees and golf balls alike,

When I suddenly realized my shoes need new spikes!

I sprang from my bed and ran out the door,

I knew if I hurried I could get to the store.

I was in such a rush that I tripped on a hose,

Tore a hole in my crotch and may have broken my nose.

By the time I arrived it was already too late.

They had shut off the lights and brought down the gate.

As mad as I was, I knew I was to blame,

But couldn’t resist it and called them some names.

You bastards, you pikers, you closed way too soon.

Now I’ll never get spikes and tomorrow is ruined!

Now here with no spikes and feeling depressed,

If I play well tomorrow I’ll tell you the rest!

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